jokes are half meant Audiobooks

Is it wrong to fall in love with your kidnapper? *This is an Extra plus-length novel, over 120,000 words long* Dr. Roberta McClelland--Bobbi to her friends--is a Xeno-Cultural Anthropologist living her lifelong dream of studying an alien species. On the peaceful planet of Avria Pentaura, she spends her days tending crops and learning her new people's customs. But her peace doesn't last long--she doesn't count on raiders from the neighboring planet, Saurous, coming to visit and she especially doesn't expect to be kidnapped and held captive by a rogue Kindred named Dragon. Dragon isn't native to Saurous--a planet inhabited by lizard people called Saurians. His parents were killed when he was little and he has been adopted into the Crimson Blades crime family. As a Hybrid--a mix of two different types of Kindred--he isn't sure of his heritage. He only knows that his mother was a Vision Kindred, but his father's origins and the other half of his own nature are a mystery to him. The big Hybrid has never met a female like Bobbi before and the minute he sees her, he knows he has to have her. The problem is, his sadistic Saurian brother, Zerlix, wants her too. Dragon can think of only one way to protect the curvy little female--he must marry her and keep her with him always. But Bobbi is a modern woman and she's not interested in marrying her kidnapper, thank you very much. She's determined to run away no matter how hot her Kindred captor is and she's going to give the evil Zerlix the slip too. But when she gets into trouble in the notorious Blue Light District, can Dragon find her in time to rescue her? And will happen when the hidden half of his heritage comes out? Read Hidden Rage to find out!

A woman who struggles with infertility has given up on finding love A warrior who thinks he will never be able to bond a bride Thrown together on a mission where they must pretend to be Joined Mates Will their lie become a reality? Dr. Danielle Adams isn't looking for love. Health issues have rendered her unable to have kids and she has given up on finding a relationship. Instead, she's focusing her energy on her career as a Medical Anthropologist. She's excited for her next assignment--going to study a new group of humanoids with their own special brand of medicine. But when she receives an ancient love artifact that supposedly grants wishes about love, passion, and fertility, she can't help making a few wishes of her own. Not that they'll ever come true...Commander Bravik is a Hybrid Kindred--half Blood, half Beast and all business. He's also the Diplomat in charge of the first cultural visit to Soluu Four, home of the H'raken people. Rumors that they have incredible healing techniques that don't rely on medical technology have piqued the High Council's interest, so they are sending Bravik and a human woman he barely knows--Dr. Danielle Adams--to investigate. Everything is going well until they arrive on Soluu Four and find out they are expected to bring a mate. In order to avoid offending their hosts and ruining the mission, Danni pretends to be Bravick's bride. But to her surprise, the healing techniques she has come to study turn out to be sexual in nature. When her "husband," Bravik, is injured on the strange little planet, she is called upon to put her new skills to the test. Things are getting hot and heavy--can it be that Danni's wishes will come true after all?You'll have to read Healing her Patient to find out.

A Thief who has no honor... A Priestess who has broken her vow of chastity... Can the two of them complete a quest at the treacherous Tenebrian Court ? Read The Priestess and the Thief to find out. Ellilah is a priestess…but not a very good one. She doesn’t seem to have the right temperament for quiet meditation. And even worse, she broke her vow of chastity at the Christmas party after a dark stranger drugged her punch. Now she’s being sent to the Priory of Extreme Atonement—an ominous place with no windows and daily beatings. But Elli has always had a mind of her own. Instead of handing herself over for punishment, she goes on a quest to find a cure for the old Priestess Superior who is dying. Elli’s quest will take her to the Tenebrian Court and put her in great danger…which is why the Goddess sends her some help in the form of the very same dark stranger who drugged her punch in the first place. Roke is half Havoc—a Kindred-like race of males who refuse to bond with females. He is none too pleased at being sent to protect the little priestess, but he doesn’t dare disobey the Goddess. Once he meets Elli again, however, he feels an instant attraction to her. He goes with her to the dangerous Tenebrian Court to protect her from the predatory nobles—especially the rapacious Crown Prince who insists that everyone “Mirror” his erotic activities at supper every night. Will the two of them be able to complete their quest and leave the Court alive? Will Roke admit he wants to bond with Elli, even though he has sworn never to take a bride? And will Elli ever forgive herself for breaking her vow of chastity with the dark warrior? Read The Priestess and the Thief and find out!

Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Bull riding is dangerous as hell, but that’s half the fun. Guts, glory, and cute country girls lined up for days. It may only take eight seconds to win, but I can go all night. Yeah, I’ve broken almost every bone in my body at some point, but I’ve been the World Rodeo Champion two years running. Nothing’s gonna keep me from making it three. Not even Mae Guthrie, a spitfire who’s as hot as a Texas wildfire and one hell of a distraction - and who acts like she doesn’t remember me at all. ...I’ll just have to remind her that we’ve been acquainted. I bet she’ll remember once she’s screaming my name. Jackson Cody nearly ruined my life. I was dumb, drunk, and eighteen. He was a rodeo star with a smile that could melt steel, and I was this close to giving him everything. Thank god for that close call with the cops. I learned my lesson, grew up, and moved on. Now I’ve got my first huge assignment as a photographer, and if I play it right, this rodeo shoot could make my whole career. There’s just one problem, and it’s got spurs, boots, and hazel eyes. He’s grown up too - Lord has he grown up - and he’s only gotten hotter, cockier, and more dangerously alluring since the last time I saw him. But now I’m older, wiser, and not interested in a fling with a cowboy… ...right? It’s only a couple of days. How hard can he be to resist? Ride is a 90,000 word standalone romance, and it’s got a happily-ever-after ending and explicit scenes that’ll make you need to turn the AC up.

Four half sisters create the family they’ve always dreamed of in this enchanting quartet from bestselling authors Maisey Yates, Nicole Helm , Jackie Ashenden and Caitlin Crews . The Hathaway sisters might have grown up apart, but when they agree to move to Jasper Creek, Oregon, to revitalize their grandfather’s farm, it seems a straightforward decision. Until they meet their neighborhood cowboys… Sweet-natured Teddy has never met a man worth taking a risk on, until now. Tomboy Joey has more affinity with farm equipment than men, until a brooding cowboy changes her mind. Prickly baker Georgie can’t resist the temptation of the most forbidden cowboy of all, and sparks fly between ceramicist Elliot and the grumpy single-dad rancher next door. The sisters’ feelings are anything but simple, but with the love and support of each other, they discover that a cowboy might be the sweetest thing of all about coming home.

For as long as Isabel can remember, she’s been a rogue. Her parents are deceased; she has no pack, no mate, and no one at all except for her older brother Ben. She’s grown used to being a nobody, the butt of others’ jokes, and for the most part, alone. But during a routine errand gone wrong, Isabel stumbles onto a pack’s territory and comes face to face with a fierce—and devastatingly attractive—shifter the likes of which she’s never seen or felt. Isabel is certain this is her mate. But will he accept her, a nobody rogue? Or will he reject her to maintain his status in his pack? With growing danger at every turn, Isabel finds herself in the center of a desperate war between amassing rogues and a fearsome pack, working not only to uncover the mystery of what happened to her once-happy family, but to win over the man she is certain is the love of her life.

Danielle Bordeaux was used to danger. As a doctor with the Center for Disease Control she thrived on the adventure and challenge of battling the world's worst diseases, in the world's worst places. When Ebola breaks out in a small village in Ghana, she and her team are prepared for the worst. But what she finds is a virus made even more deadly by human hands. And when rebels attack the camp, rescue comes from the last man she ever expected to see again. It hurts every time she looks at him, but also brings a sweet torture that she's not sure she can deny. Damon Dupree is an ex-Marine for hire. A former sniper and an ace helicopter pilot, he goes where the money and excitement take him. The government has him playing babysitter to a genius inventor, bent on finding a cure for Ebola—but a frantic call has him racing to save the one woman from his past that he can't touch—and can't forget. With a killer bent on infecting anyone close with a mutated virus, can he save the only woman who's ever meant anything to him - before they lose everything?

Bound together by a brand… Kept apart by the unyielding rules of the Pack. My foster brother, Nick and I are destined to be Fated Mates But when his Beast comes out on the night my NEED is on me Will we commit an unforgivable sin together? Being an orphan is tough…going through the foster care system is even tougher. I never would have made it through without my foster brother, Nick Callahan, to guide and protect me. But Nick and I have a troubled past. See, he’s full-blooded Were and I’m half Were and back before our fathers died, they swore an oath to be blood brothers and had both Nick and I branded to prove that we were family. Nick and I went our separate ways after we got out of the system, but I made the mistake of going back to my hometown of Wolverton on the night of the Open Breeding. And who should be there but Nick—my foster brother and protector and the one and only man I’ve ever really loved. But we’re forbidden to be together—the same brands that mark us as “family” keep us forever apart. And there’s another problem—Nick has a secret, one he’s been keeping from me for years. You see, he’s not a normal Were—he doesn’t shift into a wolf. Instead, he has a beast inside, half man/half wolf—an eight foot tall monster that hungers for me just as much as Nick does. Now I must choose between my foster brother and breaking the Unbreakable Laws of the pack. But under the full moon when his beast comes out and the Breeding Fever makes me crazy with need and desire, will I really have a choice? You’ll have to read The Brand that Binds, book two in the Forbidden Omegaverse series to find out… This book needs all the trigger warnings. It has the death of parents, (although that happens off-screen, so to speak) childhood trauma within the foster system, and some near-misses with assault. If you have a history of any of these things, you might find this book upsetting.

“You were everything, but her, Sienna.” “You shouldn't have married me then if you knew that you'd feel this way!" She snapped. “I married you out of pity, aren't you grateful? I saved you from the pathetic life that you were living and thought that you deserved a decent living, you don't have to act like the spoiled brat that you are.” “I can't believe I thought you were a man. You're no man Sebastian Frost, but a heartless monster!” *** Sienna is left heartbroken after her divorce from Sebastian, who had married her as a substitute wife. After five years, Sienna returns to New York a changed woman with twins who are five years old and a man. She did not expect to see her ex-husband, Sebastian Frost, hotter than ever. And not only has he gotten hotter than ever, but he also wants her back. But a nemesis from the past will not live to see that happen, nor the secrets that were meant to be left behind. Will Sienna forgive Sebastian after all that he did to her?

Jane I’ve always been on my own. My life used to consist of nothing but work, keeping Allen out of trouble, and if I had time, sleep. Then I became their maid. Max Every day more than half a million people tune in to watch my show. They trust me. I know it’s because I’m the only son of the prominent Emerson family. However, I like to believe it because I’m honest no matter what story I report on. I’m honest about everything but the man I’ve been f**king for the last four years… and now her. Wesley I want three things: First, Maxwell Emerson and Jane Chapman both in my bed. Second, to be the best bloody chef in the country. Third, to figure out how to simultaneously get the first and second things I want without any of us getting hurt. Three People One Love Story Look for THE ANATOMY OF US, Book 2