yo mama so old jokes Audiobooks

Scarlett:Blytheville, South Carolina—have you heard of it? No? Yeah, neither had I, until today. Want to know why? It’s in the middle of nowhere, and I’ve been given the ultimatum of either living on the street in Boston or accepting a job transfer down to this blank spot on the map where people say things like: “Bless Your Heart,” “Over Yonder,” and “I reckon.” Oh, and they don’t cuss, which makes survival a bit challenging for me with my flavorful vocabulary.I’ll cut to the chase. On day one of my new Southern lifestyle, I land myself in the hospital and meet Austin, one of the two nurses on staff. I would consider this guy absolutely gorgeous if I were into the whole tanned, smokey-blue eyes, and messy sex-hair look, but I’m … not. Okay, I’m lying. If Austin wasn’t my type before, he definitely is now. However, I was sort of rude to him. While I’m sure my first impression was probably my last, maybe I can turn on a little Southern charm (if I can figure out how to do that) and change his mind. Austin:This chick is crazy, hot as hell, and more wound up than a taunted wild animal. I might be out of my mind, but I’m intrigued by her short temper and lack of filter. She thinks I’m just funny and sweet as pie, which I know annoys her, but she hasn’t spent time with me outside of work yet, so she doesn’t know I can dish out more than she can take. Miss Scarlett thinks she’s tough and intimidating because she’s from big, bad Boston, but she’s about to learn how things really go down in the South.The question is, will Scarlett and Austin ever see to eye-to-eye, or will they give up the fight long enough to see what they’ve been missing?

Can a Case of Mistaken Identity end in True Love? A warrior who knows nothing about Christmas, Force to pay Santa...with disastrous results... A girl running from her past, who lands in a dead-end job as Santa's Helper Elf. Can Lisa keep herself from... Falling for Kindred Claus? It's a week before Christmas and Lisa James is stuck in a dead-end job, playing Santa's little Elf at the local mall. After fleeing her home to get away from an abusive drunk of a husband, she's trying to keep a low profile, so it's not exactly like she has her pick of career paths. Still, she can't help feeling like she's hit rock bottom...that is until the mysterious Kindred playing Santa at her mall shows up. Asher is part of the Kindred Elite Espionage Corps. Sometimes he serves as an assassin, other times a diplomat, but he's never been Santa before. And he's not supposed to be now. When he mistakes Lisa for his contact and she mistakes him for the Kindred who is scheduled to be Old Saint Nick, two hours of confusion and peeing, puking kids are the result. After all, who ever heard of a seven-foot-tall Santa with fangs? The kids are scared, Asher is frustrated, and Lisa loses her job. To make up for the confusion, Asher offers to take Lisa on his next diplomatic mission--a boring and safe affair where all they have to do is attend the coronation of an alien Potentate. But things go horribly wrong when there is an assassination attempt and Lisa and Asher are caught in the middle of it. Will the two of them escape with their lives? Will Asher listen to his heart, which tells him Lisa is his fated mate? And will Lisa be able keep herself from... Falling for Kindred Claus?

It should have been the happiest time of their lives… As a Guardian of the realm, Blaéz is aware of the danger that can shadow him, but he’s determined to give his human mate the wedding of her dreams. Flowers, ring, and all, including following a baffling mortal tradition of abstinence—a challenge he gamely takes on. Then the past and future clash… Things start to unravel when an old adversary from an accursed life he thought long over suddenly reappears. Blaéz realizes it’s a tie he must sever and finally put an end to a longstanding feud. A straightforward job…until his vindictive nemesis snatches his mate. It’s a time of reckoning… Blaéz will risk and do anything to get her back. But first, he must face his own dark and painful past to have a future with the one woman who is his very heartbeat.If he doesn’t, it just might destroy everything he’s fought for… Author’s note: This novella is set after book 3 in the Fallen Guardians’ series and gives you further insight into the lives of the Guardians. For better reading enjoyment, it is best if you fully immerse yourself in the Fallen Guardians’ World first. No cliffhanger.

Romance author Elizabeth Russell lives alone, works alone, and that’s that way she likes it. No ties, no relationships, no complications. But when her apartment is broken into and it looks more personal than per-chance, she finds herself running to the only person who can protect her—too bad he also has the most potential to crush her world. Former Marine turned securities expert, Zach Steele doesn’t do regret or second chances. So when a sexy heartbreak from his past shows up on his doorstep, desperate for a safe place to crash, his first reaction is, Hell no. But with a stalker quickly closing in and the only woman he’s ever loved looking up at him like he’s still “that” guy, Zach offers up his protection. Working together to bring her stalker down brings them closer than ever, and Zach realizes that it’s not just Elizabeth’s life that’s in danger...but also his guarded heart.

Why does forbidden fruit always taste the sweetest? A filthy biker with a reputation for using his fists first and asking questions later, Victor "Viking" Kennedy wasn't under the illusion that his marriage to Bonnie Dubois had the makings of a grand love affair. She was a prima ballerina—a snobby bitch who knew she was sex-on-legs. She was also ripe for a walk on the wild side with him. Their understanding was mutual. A year-long fling that kept them both satisfied until she headed overseas to pursue her dancing career. It was good while it lasted. The perfect arrangement that took a wrong turn and ended with a surprise pregnancy followed by a shotgun wedding. Nowadays, they're just two parents doing their best to raise their son right. And, it was working until his VP's teenage daughter sashayed her way into his life and turned everything on its head. She's off-limits. An indiscretion punishable by death. So why can't Viking find a way to halt their growing connection? Viking is the second book in the highly anticipated prequel, spin off series to the International Bestselling Black Shamrocks MC series by Kylie Hillman. This tale of forbidden love will confuse your head and confound your heart. Grab your copy today! SERIES READING ORDER: Conan Viking Butch Lenny Doc Beast

From paranormal romance author Bella Lore comes a collection of nine epic novellas, guaranteed to make your heart swoon and your jaw drop. In Book #5, MY TRUE ALPHA, Samantha has always been a bit of a rebel. Yet, her life stays the same as it ever was. Until, for the first time in Samantha’s life, someone in the pack issues a Challenge. Gutsy, brave Rafael challenges the Alpha to a duel. When Rafael wins, he upsets the hierarchy of the entire pack and becomes the new Alpha. And while he’s stirring tensions, something begins to stir in Samantha’s heart. She can’t seem to forget the strong and charming rebel who overthrew a nation. But the old Alpha won’t let an outsider take over that easily. As tensions rise, Samantha can’t help but get involved. Because Samantha thinks Rafael might just be her true mate. Books #6-#9 in the series—PROMISED TO THE ALPHA, THE ALPHA’S BRIDE, THE ALPHA’S DESIRE, and THE LUNA’S CHOICE—are now also available!

He’ll do whatever it takes to protect his mate. Halle Pumas Book 3 Adrian Giordano was quite happy with the way his life was going. His two best friends were happily mated, and he was still sanely single. He had friends, a thriving business, and the occasional Saturday night date. Then Sheridan Montgomery came to town and turned his life upside down. Sheri is on the run from a big bad wolf, an ex who won’t take no for an answer. Unfortunately, if he catches her he’s got the teeth (and the Pack!) to take what he wants. A lone Puma against a Wolf Pack doesn’t stand a chance, but with the help of her old friends she’ll find what she needs to survive. It’s Adrian’s job to protect his mate, and in the process learn where his true destiny lies.

Four months ago, Slade Lewis got to fulfill his wildest, long-repressed BDSM fantasies during a one-night stand. Since then, getting more has been the only thing on his mind. When Slade manages to earn the keys to Reyes Walter’s kinky kingdom, he finds himself face-to-face with none other than Pressly Allwyn, the pearl-bedecked love of his life whom he pushed into divorce six years ago. Now she’s back, and the fetish he was afraid would drive them apart instead draws them together. They indulge in their common kink together, but past hurts and old insecurities complicate any relationship outside their erotic exploits. Caught between the worlds of hot-button politics and even hotter bedroom games, Pressly and Slade will have to decide how far they’re willing to go for a second chance at happily ever after. Previously published as True North .

“I never thought I could want anyone as much as I wanted Nash, then I met you”~Royal When I was sixteen I was afflicted with a terrible curse...I fell in love with my straight best friend. I never thought I’d move past my feelings for Nash and find someone who could love me in return, until the day a gorgeous marine plopped himself down in my chair and asked me to ink him. I’m falling fast for Zade, but my feelings for Nash are still very real. When life starts getting complicated and Nash speaks the words I never thought I’d hear, the only thing I want is for us to find a way to make this work...together. “What if I told you, you'd never have to choose?”~Zade I thought I’d stay in the marines for life, that was the plan. But after a traumatic event I couldn’t make myself re-enlist when my contract was up. Confused and unsure what to do next I called up my best friend for a place to stay. What I didn’t count on was my best friend’s boyfriend practically throwing a sexy tattoo artist at me to keep me busy. Royal is everything I’ve ever wanted and his roommate, Nash, is starting to grow on me, too. “A few weeks ago I thought I was straight. Now I'm sandwiched between two sweaty men. Can't say I do anything half-assed.” ~Nash Of course I’ve noticed that my best friend, Royal is crazy good looking. I have eyes, that doesn’t mean I’m into guys. Although, when I start to notice that his new boyfriend, Zade, is pretty hot too, that makes me start to question things a little. Not to mention the dreams I keep having of the three of us together. I’m willing to try if they are. **This is NOT a love triangle, just good old fashioned man-on-man-on-man love **Every book in the Heathens Ink series can be read as a stand-alone, but it’s way more fun to read them in order.

For as long as Isabel can remember, she’s been a rogue. Her parents are deceased; she has no pack, no mate, and no one at all except for her older brother Ben. She’s grown used to being a nobody, the butt of others’ jokes, and for the most part, alone. But during a routine errand gone wrong, Isabel stumbles onto a pack’s territory and comes face to face with a fierce—and devastatingly attractive—shifter the likes of which she’s never seen or felt. Isabel is certain this is her mate. But will he accept her, a nobody rogue? Or will he reject her to maintain his status in his pack? With growing danger at every turn, Isabel finds herself in the center of a desperate war between amassing rogues and a fearsome pack, working not only to uncover the mystery of what happened to her once-happy family, but to win over the man she is certain is the love of her life.